A DOG'S DEFINITION OF LEASH:
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
A DOG'S DEFINITION OF BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
A DOG'S DEFINITION OF WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
A DOG'S DEFINITION OF DEAFNESS:
This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
It is my experience that in some areas (my poodle) Charley is more intelligent than I am, but in others he is abysmally ignorant. He can't read, drive a car, and has no grasp of mathematics. But in his own field of endeavor, which he is now practicing, the slow, imperial smelling and anointing of an area, he has no peer. Of course his horizons are limited, but how wide are mine? - John Steinbeck
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. - Will Rogers
A man may smile and bid you hail
Yet wish you to the devil;
But when a good dog wags his tail,
You know he's on the level.
- Author Unknown
Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw - I don't say she will, but she can. - Dorothy Parker
A DOG'S DEFINITION OF LOVE:
A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.